Abuse that breaks a childs trust

Hello, I wanted to add this link above because it is so true. Being sexually abused by my dad has made me in the past create personalities. I am still going for therapy every week or mostly every week, trying to understand how to cope with my personalities. It has been a long journey. Life has been difficult. I am trying to communicate with you, as you see I am having a hard time to speak at this time. It's been a while since I spoke with you, I apologize, lately I have not been feeling very well. I have been back and forth to the doctors testing for heart problems and blood clots, the doctors have been puzzled as to what is going on with me, that is no surprise for me. My physical body has been mostly torn apart on the inside. Many operations, many unexplained happenings. I am not well put together I guess you can say.I am at a standstill right now in my life, it's like my body is walking around but nobody home. I do however for some reason get really upset when I read articles from Cornwall to do with the Inquiry. I don't really understand why but all I can say is most of the time if I read the article I start to pace the floor upset. I guess in some way I am frustrated with the fact that the perpetrators are again being protected and the victims are being crucified all over again. What is going to happen when this Inquiry is all done? It's like going to the councillors and spilling out everything that was horrific in your life then the councillor saying, "OK, your time is up", you stand there in disbelief, your stomach starts to ache and burn and your throat hurts, you want to cry but if you start crying "you may never stop", so what do you do? I just thought of somebody who left in here a comment, one of their comments were, "throw out your computer and stop reading articles". I only wish I could, but for me "this is healing" that almost sounded like my mother talking, she would tell me to leave the past behind you and move forward. Well if anyone knows about being sexually abused for 20 odd years by a family member and others, one would know that you can't just put it behind you. It eats at you till you deal with it, till you bring it out in the open, if you don't then you will hide it with all kinds of "crutches" healing hurts bad, really bad, you would do anything to avoid it. Until you start to talk about it your body will crave for something in replace of it "your pain" for another. It might be self mutilation, alchol, drugs,excessive compulsions, anything, until you start to let it out. When you are done "or you think you are done" only to notice that there is more, more that you didn't think was there. You say to yourself." I talked about everything, how can I possibly have anymore" you continue for a long time and even after when you reach that time, there is still more. I know this sounds like a broken record that goes on and on, you say, " will this ever stop, will I ever get better, will the memories ever stop, will I ever have a normal life. I for one have not reached the point that I can say " this is it, this is all that has to come out, I am healed. My journey is a long one, it's been 21 years of sexual abuse, it won't happen over night for me. I was once told by a friend that " I survived the abuse, so I can survive the journey that is in front of me.
I don't know if I made much sense tonight, I don't feel like I am strong inside right now. Maybe tomorrow will be better for me. Well I must say goodnight, I wish you well for tomorrow, have a free day that was given to you " what you choose to do with it, is your choice.

Your friend,
Brigette